The Monster and the Mirror: Mental Illness, Magic, and the Stories We Tell by K. J. Aiello
A Non-Fiction Review by Anne Smith-Nochasak
The Monster and the Mirror by K. J. Aiello is a courageous study in mental illness. It is an academic work, but not a detached study; well-researched, and also deeply intimate. It is first and foremost a memoir but does not merely document the author’s personal experience. Instead, they invite us into their journey, to share their isolation and their torment, letting us, as much as possible, accompany them.
“Within each chapter, we follow the author’s life journey as a person with mental illness, from early childhood to their current moment in adult life.”
Each chapter explores elements of cultural response to mental illness in literature, film, and games. Within each chapter, we follow the author’s life journey as a person with mental illness, from early childhood to their current moment in adult life. The feelings, responses, thoughts, and struggles are told with honesty; at times the details are disturbing, but this is their reality and that in itself is worthy of respect.
Chapter One draws on Shelley’s Frankenstein to probe the development of monsters in our world, how beings are not born monsters, but become them through the way they are treated. The author imagines a conversation in which Medusa opens up and describes the betrayal that has turned her into a monster. Essentially, she was raped and then cursed for being raped. Doesn’t this sound familiar?
In Chapter Two the study on the subjectivity of perception is intriguing. The marginalization of those who have a perception of reality that differs from the norm within a culture is addressed. The liminal space between the fantasy world and the world of reality is a place where transformation is possible. The author argues that liminal space can be reclaimed, a coping mechanism when the real world is too much.
They tell how they discovered their other world through Dungeons and Dragons. This game provided a platform through which they could explore parts of the self that they might be struggling with. It was a safe way of playing with what is considered taboo for the individual in society. It also provided a safer means of exploring gender roles, but the author points out that racism and gender bias do exist in much of the gaming world. The message received is often that being relegated to the margins is a punishment, when perhaps, the author reflects, the margin is a place that can be reclaimed.
Chapter Three explores the nature of evil, and how it is subjectively described culturally and evades empirical definition. They explore how evil is perceived in the stories we tell: In fantasy, the villain becomes necessary to give the hero a purpose. Mental illness is often linked with evil; a trauma-ridden childhood in fantasy necessitates that the person becomes a dangerous adult. Their analysis of Daenerys of Game of Thrones is well done here. For the author, however, the experiencing and processing of traumatic events can differ between individuals. Perhaps those with dissociative identity disorder, they suggest, do not seek treatment because they’re considered inherently villainous and not redeemable.
A sorcerer figure emerges in their narrative here, and at this point, we are not sure if this describes an experience of abuse or is a construct of personal self-criticism. This will become clearer as the narrative unfolds.
The breakdown in their relationship with their parents intensifies at this time. The parents perceive their daughter’s words and actions as something that should be controlled with better efforts, something that is upsetting for them. To them, their daughter should simply be committed. This daughter, who found an escape in magic, dragons, and other worlds, who processed their reality through the elements of fantasy, gives up all sense of magic in this moment and fades away.
In chapter 4, the author examines gothic horror, in which the fear of being or becoming insane is far more frightening than ghostly scares. Horror films and stories can become a way to examine our own beliefs in safety. Some, such as The Haunting of Hill House, deal with the topic with great sensitivity; the ghosts are in effect the mental illness that has haunted the family or certain family members. They describe their descent into mental illness in their university years, detaching more and more from normalcy, denying that those incredible wonderful dragons of the past ever indeed existed, surrendering completely to the shadow. They describe their own experiences as a resident of a mental hospital, the self-blaming and self-stigmatizing practiced by those with mental illness.
Chapter Five draws on Lord of the Rings. The all-consuming power of the ring and its role in the breakdown of Frodo is the focus. The analysis focuses on the similarities between descent into mental illness and falling under the power of the ring, for the mental illness consumes all that the person was. I like their analysis, which sees Frodo and Sam’s journey not as a heroic quest or an epic fantasy, but as a story of loyalty, trust, and sacrifice in which the love of two friends can ultimately save the world.
“Suicide for the mentally ill is addressed with sensitivity; it is not a desire to die, but a response to a life that is unlivable.”
In Chapter Six, the author is stepping out on their own again, taking an apartment, changing jobs, and returning to school. There is a profound lack of support from the parents now. The author reflects on the rights of the mentally ill to tell their own story: Do they have agency over their own lives or are they seen as somehow incapable? The author’s conditions are now diagnosed, but this does not mean the journey is over. Managing these will emerge as a moment-by-moment need. Suicide for the mentally ill is addressed with sensitivity; it is not a desire to die, but a response to a life that is unlivable.
Chapter 7 describes a pivotal moment when the author is allowed to vent physically and vocally about the rage they carry within a new relationship. This releases them to tell the history that they have hidden and been unable to admit to or describe all these years. The author reflects on superheroes and our need for a hero that reflects what we are—someone flawed who lives with sadness and joy and knows all our emotions and therefore can become in their powers most truly extraordinary
Chapter 8, the author decides to be free of a past that never accepted them, to step away from a life that includes their parents, and to step into a family with their partner.
Video gaming as a means of processing complex feelings is analyzed. Many video games show mental illness as perhaps a punishment, but the author goes into depth with the game Hellblade, in which the player is working within the player’s or hero’s own mental illness. Video games perhaps can become a processing mechanism for processing mental illness. Mental illness is not something to be overcome, as in “if you try hard enough you will stop acting mentally ill.” It is an active condition that the person manages.
The author does not shy away from the rage, fear, and acting out that they have experienced. They do not provide a detached, clinical analysis but make themselves vulnerable in the intensity of their struggle. Their ideas are documented and supported by footnotes but communicated clearly in highly readable prose.
References and analysis are readily followed, whether one is familiar with the reference work or not. I could follow the Dungeons & Dragons, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and Haunting of Hill House references, and discovered that, although I have no background with Hellblade, the author’s analysis was clear and easy to follow.
As an educator, I was shaken and awakened by what I read. How often do we try to “make them act better, get over their negative behaviour.” Perhaps it is time to acknowledge their reality, affirm their worth, and be present in their journey. To bear witness to their grief, so poignantly described as a longing for something that perhaps they never had. Those experiencing mental illness can find their voice here. Thank you, K. J. Aiello, for inviting us into your life. May the dragons always be there.
About the Author
K.J. Aiello is a mentally ill, award-winning writer based in Toronto, ON. Their work has appeared in the Globe and Mail, Toronto Life, Chatelaine, The Walrus, and This Magazine. They are still waiting for their very own dragon. Sadly, this has not happened, so their cats will have to suffice.
About the Reviewer
Anne M. Smith-Nochasak grew up in rural western Nova Scotia, where she currently resides and teaches part-time after many years working in northern communities.
She has self-published three novels using the services of FriesenPress: A Canoer of Shorelines (2021), The Ice Widow (2022), and River Faces North (Taggak Journey, Book 1, being released in early September 2024). She is currently a member of the Writers Federation of Nova Scotia.
Book Details
Publisher : ECW Press (Sept. 3 2024)
Language : English
Paperback : 272 pages
ISBN-10 : 1770417087
ISBN-13 : 978-1770417083